It’s 9:30 PM. My father just called. It’s not what he said, it’s what he didn’t say. I think he wanted to hear the news about my job search. Still, I had no answer to give him or to give to myself for that matter. After that short phone call, I couldn’t deal with anything anymore. I think we’ve all felt this once… No matter how early in the day it is, you know that day is screwed. I wanted to hit restart and fast forward to the next morning.
I’m sharing this with you because I know there’s someone out there going through the same struggle ❤️
To be honest, when I made the decision to leave my company… I clearly had no idea what I was getting myself into. Everyone was saying how quickly it would be for another company to snatch me right in, how I would find a cool opportunity in the blink of an eye. I knew that wasn’t true. What I didn’t know is that I would fall on my face so many times.
After going through 2 months of job hunting, I feel more humble. I mean, you have to be! Because the people you would feel sorry for in the past are now you. You did everything right, huh? Hahaha!!! Baby, you suck just like everybody else.
Throughout the period I remained mostly happy and motivated thanks to my personal projects, friends, and family. Not gonna lie, there were some darker days though. I kept those thoughts private because I think I didn’t even know how to articulate what I was feeling. One moment I could be cleaning the dishes while dancing and blasting music, the next I could be scrolling through job postings feeling like I didn’t fit anywhere.
Little Ana Guerra always bragged about knowing what she wanted to do and being able to achieve her goals every time! Entered in the bachelors she wished, got into all the student organizations at first try, finished the masters she dreamed of and landed an internship at one of her favorite companies. However, for any Gilmore Girls fans out there, to me, I now was Rory in the Netflix revival “A Year in the Life”, a shadow of my former self, unachieved and lost, nevertheless living a privileged life (there I said it). What started as my famous quote “I have never been as lost as I am now, but I have also never been as excited about the future”, slowly faded into more of “Let me hold on to what makes me excited because the future doesn’t seem so bright”.
Shoot for the stars, right? I had nothing to lose so why not apply for the best roles? (having in consideration the job requirements of course). However, finding the best roles was a daunting task as I started verifying maybe my friends were right. I don’t know what I wanted anymore and admitting that was hard. I knew I wanted to work in Marketing, Communications, Content for the tech/entertainment industry, but there’s a lot in there. I knew I didn’t want to do a solely PR job and didn’t want to solely do Paid Advertising either (WARNING: this is what they mean by Digital Marketing Manager). So what was left? I’m still not sure. The “Millennial quarter-life crisis” was hitting me a few times because I studied Digital Marketing for my masters but wasn’t able to get any of those jobs because I didn’t have any professional experience in it.
Being very real with you, at times I asked myself…
“Why would any company hire me?”
“What am I actually good at?”
“Am I just stupid and not in touch with reality?”
“Am I asking too much?”
“Should I just get a part-time job to pay the bills instead of finding something fulfilling?”
As you can imagine, there were some not so good days. However, when I’m not feeling shitty, I do say really smart things:
Ohh, and sleep. That thing they tell us about thinking about it over sleep really works. They weren’t kidding! Sometimes there’s a deafening thought you can’t get out of your head (can be good or bad). Then you go to sleep. The next day, you’ll probably think it’s not that important anyway.
In my experience, the moments you hit really low are an opportunity to be clearer about what makes you happy, like an escape.You’re so miserable and keep wondering “is this all there is?”, that you can’t help but look intensively for “something more”. During the past 2 months of unemployment, I was consumed by the need to create “something more”. That’s how the Newsletter and the Twitch channel started. That’s also how in 2015 I came up with my first LinkedIn article and later on in 2017 my Podcast.
Finally, I’d like to thank my current company Braver who believed in me and allows me to do what I do best every day: think, connect the dots and make it happen. PS:of course I would join a company that has an official Spotify Playlist for every employee.
A draft of this post was written on
-Wednesday, November 14th, 2018
Sad much? Good 😂
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For a more positive message, I would recommend checking out my Podcast Episode “What triggers your hapiness?”. This mindset saved me.
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